Lockdown Lexicon
Like everyone else who doesn’t have a proper job[1],
I’ve spent the last year staring out of my front window when I was supposed to
be working. I’m not sure if this beats the previous 20+ years, which mostly
involved staring out of an office window. On the one hand, staring at trees is more
interesting than the most neglected corner of Wolverhampton city centre; on the
other, in late 2019, the street outside my former office was briefly transformed
into a film set, when Steve McQueen came to town. It’s a tough one.
Recently, I’ve invented a new pastime: courier watching[2].
It seems that everyone now does their shopping online (a phenomenon with many
downsides, not really worth the ability to buy almost any book ever published with a
couple of clicks). A courier pulled up outside the
house, and I speculated which house it was for. There are potentially seven houses
that a van parked outside my house could be visiting, although the occupant of
one never seems to buy anything other than beer, takeaways and cigarettes.
It’s not much of a hobby, I admit, but I think the experience
has highlighted gaps in the English language. By my reckoning, we need three new
words:
Couriosity: Mild interest caused by seeing a
courier’s van parked somewhere near one’s front door and the speculation over
who the delivery could be for.
Courush: The modest euphoria caused by hearing
a knock at one’s own door and the attempt to recall whether anything is due
today.
Courenvy: The crushing disappointment caused by
being asked to take in a parcel for the neighbours and the frustration of not knowing
them well enough to ask what it is.
I probably need to get out more.
